What follows is a very special conversation about Vaginismus, from the very personal perspective of three people with direct experience of the condition. Their stories are at times focussed around practical solutions that have worked for them, but mostly the therapeutic and interpersonal nature of their experience. They’re not claiming to be experts on the topic, however they are clearly experts regarding their own experiences.
Rog, from Curious Creatures, is joined by:
Anne Hunter, a relationships coach and polyamory specialist, in Melbourne, Australia (yourrelationshiptoolbelt.com).
Niyati Evers, a psychotherapist and counsellor from Portland, Oregon (alchemy-of-eros.com).
Is sex a slippery slope of addiction? Does the pursuit of sex inevitably lead to...?
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This is one of the great myths about sex – that our sexuality is essentially a wild, out of control beast waiting to consume us whole, the moment we let it off its leash. We have been taught, from so many places, to keep it locked down and not explore our interests.
Which begs a follow-up question: Why is our interest in sex so very different to our interest in – for example – football? Or anything else?
To answer this question, interviews with two people – one of them interested in sex, the other in football – are compared and contrasted in a way that illuminates just what a sex-negative (and, perhaps, a football-positive) world we live in. Prepare to be entertained, as Curious Creatures takes a few steps away from the usual ‘Curious Conversations About Sex’ format.
This episode is brought to you by Rog, from Curious Creatures (www.curiouscreatures.biz), and friends.
If you are seeking support in relation to your own potential sex addiction, in Australia you might want to start with Lifeline (13 11 14), or the counselors on theCurious Creatures resources page.
I notice my orgasm potential dropping off over time; what's sex like for aging people?
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This conversation takes in aspects of sexuality that are important to everyone, but especially relevant to those of us that are aging (or planning to do so in the future).
Topics range from body positivity, to theoretical constructs around sexuality, to beautifully frank and specific suggestions and strategies.
Rog, from Curious Creatures, is joined by Dr Linda Kirkman – one of Australia’s foremost specialists in sexuality, and aging in particular. Linda is a counselor who you can see via Skype anywhere in the world, or locally in Victoria, Australia.
BDSM: Isn’t it just more sexualised violence against women?
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Why is violence suddenly meant to be okay if someone’s wearing a ball-gag? What’s misogyny / misandry play? How does slut-shaming fit into all of this? And is this going to be another conversation ending in a discussion about consent?
To answer these questions, Rog from Curious Creatures is joined by:
Aerie, fromBlue Velvet Arts, who runs accessible and fun workshops on kink and communication in Melbourne, Australia.
Beejay, fromEagle Leather (in Abbotsford, Melbourne) – for all your fetish wear and equipment needs, and some great education / outreach also.
“My partner and I used to have sex, but not anymore, and I’m not even sure I want to, but I do still love them; any advice?”
What happens to sex that started out so wonderfully, but then trails off into the distance? Does that pattern happen to everyone? Is the solution to accept the inevitable, or attempt to wrestle desire back onto the rails?
These questions and so many more are tackled by Rog, from Curious Creatures, along with:
Anne Hunter, a relationships coach and polyamory specialist, in Melbourne, Australia (yourrelationshiptoolbelt.com).
Niyati Evers, a psychotherapist and counsellor from Portland, Oregon (alchemy-of-eros.com).
“I hate my body. I can’t stand to have it seen naked with the lights on. How am I ever meant to have sex?”
To answer this most vulnerable of questions, Rog from Curious Creatures is joined by:
Cath Carter: Renowned sex therapist, counselor, and couples and singles coach. Cath has been in the field of sexuality for thirty years, is a walking embodiment of compassion and sex-positivity, and can be found atwww.personalharmony.com.au.
Maureen Matthews: Author of ‘About Last Night’ in the Sunday Age newspaper, and operator of Bliss for Women. Maureen has been advising and coaching people on sexuality and relationship issues for over thirty years, and making a lot of lives better! http://www.bliss4women.com.au/
The team deserves a gold star for just defining this complex issue!
What follows is loads of great advice about the subtleties of the interplay between a dominant and their submissive – or is a submissive, and their dominant?
This conversation scrolls through everything from bratty behavior to the possibility that submission is not appropriate because trust is not in place. Needless to say, communication and consent are mentioned many times!
For this nuanced little question, Rog from Curious Creatures is joined by:
Aerie, from Blue Velvet Arts, who runs accessible and fun workshops on kink and communication in Melbourne, Australia.
Beejay, from Eagle Leather (in Abbotsford, Melbourne) – for all your fetish wear and equipment needs, and some great education / outreach also.
Is pursuing an interest in sex just about hedonism, or something more?
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…Not that there’s anything wrong with that!
But yes, if you need it to be about more than simple hedonism, then we’ve got your back. It’s about self-development, it’s about relationship skills… It turns out, it’s even about politics and war and peace.
To explain how, Rog, from Curious Creatures, is joined by:
Anne Hunter, a relationships coach and polyamory specialist, in Melbourne, Australia (yourrelationshiptoolbelt.com).
Niyati Evers, a psychotherapist and counsellor from Portland, Oregon (alchemy-of-eros.com).
Rog: “It was such a delight to tackle this very difficult question with Lorraine and Charlotte. Their perspective and insight and willingness to feel the humanity of the issues was relieving… special. The world is a better place for their understanding and willingness to engage”.
Rog, from Curious Creatures, is joined by:
Lorraine Pentelow – a very compassionate and trained Sexological Bodyworker (a modality that brings sexual theory and touch together as a therapy). Lorraine is a gifted therapist, and can be found at www.lorrainep.com.au.
Charlotte Sway – live sensory artist and fetish escort. Charlotte is a leader in bringing creativity and quirkiness into her considerable skills in kink / bdsm. She is also a trained Sexological Bodyworker, and can be found at www.charlottesway.net.
What's it like being a public figure in the field of sexuality?
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In a conversation that ranges through loneliness, privilege, group conflict, and having your sex acts taken out of context, this is one rollicking topic!
Rog from Curious Creatures is joined by:
Barbara Carrellas – World renowned author, workshop therapist, coach, adviser and speaker. Barbara has written many books, including the revolutionary ‘Urban Tantra’ and ‘Ecstasy is Necessary’. Find her at www.barbaracarrellas.com.
Cyndi Darnell – Therapist, facilitator, author and speaker. Cyndi has been a committed leader within the field of sexuality for decades and offers powerful therapeutic assistance in all matters related to sexuality and relationships. Find her at www.cyndidarnell.com, and also look for her Mindfulness & Intimacy workshop, her Desire series of online workshops, and her Atlas of Erotic Anatomy & Arousal.
When your body doesn't behave as you'd like, including: How can I get my erection to last longer?
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We all have bodies. We all have expectations on what we’d like from our bodies. And we all have to deal with the fact our bodies don’t always do what we’d like.
Vaginas that aren’t wet enough, or wide enough… Cocks that don’t get hard, or that come too soon… Are they trying to tell us something? Are there specific things that we can do, or psychological things, to assist? Are there work-arounds?
To answer these questions, Rog from Curious Creatures is joined by:
Cath Carter: Renowned sex therapist, counselor, and couples and singles coach. Cath has been in the field of sexuality for thirty years, is a walking embodiment of compassion and sex-positivity, and can be found at www.personalharmony.com.au.
Maureen Matthews: Author of ‘About Last Night’ in the Sunday Age newspaper, and operator of Bliss for Women. Maureen has been advising and coaching people on sexuality and relationship issues for over thirty years, and making a lot of lives better! http://www.bliss4women.com.au/
How come the word 'ritual' comes up in relation to sex and bdsm?
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How come the word ‘ritual’ comes up in relation to sex and bdsm?
Ask some sex-positive kinksters, and you’re going to get some interesting answers…
What’s the difference between routine, and ritual? How does that potentially hinder or boost your sex life?
And what exactly have y’all been getting up to in your spare time?
To answer these questions, Rog from Curious Creatures is joined by:
Barbara Carrellas – World renowned author, workshop therapist, coach, adviser and speaker. Barbara has written many books, including the revolutionary ‘Urban Tantra’ and ‘Ecstasy is Necessary’. Find her at www.barbaracarrellas.com.
Cyndi Darnell – Therapist, facilitator, author and speaker. Cyndi has been a committed leader within the field of sexuality for decades and offers powerful therapeutic assistance in all matters related to sexuality and relationships. Find her at www.cyndidarnell.com, and also look for her Mindfulness & Intimacy workshop, her Desire series of online workshops, and her Atlas of Erotic Anatomy & Arousal.
What's the difference between a sex-worker, a sex-therapist, a sex-surrogate, and a sex-coach?
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What’s the difference between a sex-worker, a sex-therapist, a sex-surrogate, and a sex-coach?
…They all involve sex and money, right, but where’s the line between one thing and the next? How do you know which one you need? Can you have all of those services in one professional, or even one session? And why don’t sex-workers like being called prostitutes?
To answer these questions, Rog from Curious Creatures is joined by:
Cath Carter: Renowned sex therapist, counselor, and couples and singles coach. Cath has been in the field of sexuality for thirty years, is a walking embodiment of compassion and sex-positivity, and can be found at www.personalharmony.com.au.
Maureen Matthews: Author of ‘About Last Night’ in the Sunday Age newspaper, and operator of Bliss for Women. Maureen has been advising and coaching people on sexuality and relationship issues for over thirty years, and making a lot of lives better! http://www.bliss4women.com.au/
Is it some ancient mystic sexual artform, or a modern twist on kink? Perhaps a hybrid love-child of the two?
And how does non-binary gender, the beauty myth, and protocols around safer sex fit into whatever tantra is now?
For some great perspectives (that are probably slightly biased towards modern takes on tantra), Rog from Curious Creatures is joined by:
Barbara Carrellas – World renowned author, workshop therapist, coach, adviser and speaker. Barbara has written many books, including the revolutionary ‘Urban Tantra’ and ‘Ecstasy is Necessary’. Find her at www.barbaracarrellas.com.
Cyndi Darnell – Therapist, facilitator, author and speaker. Cyndi has been a committed leader within the field of sexuality for decades and offers powerful therapeutic assistance in all matters related to sexuality and relationships. Find her at www.cyndidarnell.com, and also look for her Mindfulness & Intimacy workshop, her Desire series of online workshops, and her Atlas of Erotic Anatomy & Arousal.
Why are some people able to touch you perfectly, and others not? Can the latter be taught?
If so, how… exactly?
Rog (from Curious Creatures), Lorraine and Charlotte tell you all their secrets.
Lorraine Pentelow – a very compassionate and trained Sexological Bodyworker (a modality that brings sexual theory and touch together as a therapy). Lorraine is a gifted therapist, and can be found at www.lorrainep.com.au.
Charlotte Sway – live sensory artist and fetish escort. Charlotte is a leader in bringing creativity and quirkiness into her considerable skills in kink / bdsm. She is also a trained Sexological Bodyworker, and can be found at http://www.charlottesway.net/.
How can I introduce more interesting sex into my relationship?
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This is a question that almost all sexual partners face at some stage. It can be stifling and hard to know where to start, however there are some really doable and time-tested solutions from these sexuality experts.
Rog from Curious Creatures is joined by:
Barbara Carrellas – World renowned author, workshop therapist, coach, adviser and speaker. Barbara has written many books, including the revolutionary ‘Urban Tantra’ and ‘Ecstasy is Necessary’. Find her at www.barbaracarrellas.com.
Cyndi Darnell – Therapist, facilitator, author and speaker. Cyndi has been a committed leader within the field of sexuality for decades and offers powerful therapeutic assistance in all matters related to sexuality and relationships. Find her at www.cyndidarnell.com/, and also look for her Mindfulness & Intimacy workshop, her Desire series of online workshops, and her Atlas of Erotic Anatomy & Arousal.
With labiaplasty one of the fastest growing medical procedures, this is a topical question. Listen, as a few body-positive sex educators tackle the problem.
Rog, from Curious Creatures, is joined by:
Lorraine Pentelow – a very compassionate and trained Sexological Bodyworker (a modality that brings sexual theory and touch together as a therapy). Lorraine is a gifted therapist, and can be found at www.lorrainep.com.au.
Charlotte Sway – live sensory artist and fetish escort. Charlotte is a leader in bringing creativity and quirkiness into her considerable skills in kink / bdsm. She is also a trained Sexological Bodyworker, and can be found at http://www.charlottesway.net/.
What’s your number one sex move? Is it a little wriggle with your finger at the right time? Something you do with your tongue? Or something entirely psychological?
To answer this question, Rog from Curious Creatures is joined by:
Cath Carter: Renowned sex therapist, counselor, and couples and singles coach. Cath has been in the field of sexuality for thirty years, is a walking embodiment of compassion and sex-positivity, and can be found at www.personalharmony.com.au.
Maureen Matthews: Author of ‘About Last Night’ in the Sunday Age newspaper, and operator of Bliss for Women. Maureen has been advising and coaching people on sexuality and relationship issues for over thirty years, and making a lot of lives better! http://www.bliss4women.com.au/
