What follows is a very special conversation about Vaginismus, from the very personal perspective of three people with direct experience of the condition. Their stories are at times focussed around practical solutions that have worked for them, but mostly the therapeutic and interpersonal nature of their experience. They’re not claiming to be experts on the topic, however they are clearly experts regarding their own experiences.
This is one of the great myths about sex – that our sexuality is essentially a wild, out of control beast waiting to consume us whole, the moment we let it off its leash. We have been taught, from so many places, to keep it locked down and not explore our interests.
Which begs a follow-up question: Why is our interest in sex so very different to our interest in – for example – football? Or anything else?
To answer this question, interviews with two people – one of them interested in sex, the other in football – are compared and contrasted in a way that illuminates just what a sex-negative (and, perhaps, a football-positive) world we live in. Prepare to be entertained, as Curious Creatures takes a few steps away from the usual ‘Curious Conversations About Sex’ format.
This conversation takes in aspects of sexuality that are important to everyone, but especially relevant to those of us that are aging (or planning to do so in the future).
Topics range from body positivity, to theoretical constructs around sexuality, to beautifully frank and specific suggestions and strategies.
Rog, from Curious Creatures, is joined by Dr Linda Kirkman – one of Australia’s foremost specialists in sexuality, and aging in particular. Linda is a counselor who you can see via Skype anywhere in the world, or locally in Victoria, Australia.
Why is violence suddenly meant to be okay if someone’s wearing a ball-gag? What’s misogyny / misandry play? How does slut-shaming fit into all of this? And is this going to be another conversation ending in a discussion about consent?
To answer these questions, Rog from Curious Creatures is joined by:
Aerie, fromBlue Velvet Arts, who runs accessible and fun workshops on kink and communication in Melbourne, Australia.
Beejay, fromEagle Leather (in Abbotsford, Melbourne) – for all your fetish wear and equipment needs, and some great education / outreach also.
“My partner and I used to have sex, but not anymore, and I’m not even sure I want to, but I do still love them; any advice?”
What happens to sex that started out so wonderfully, but then trails off into the distance? Does that pattern happen to everyone? Is the solution to accept the inevitable, or attempt to wrestle desire back onto the rails?
These questions and so many more are tackled by Rog, from Curious Creatures, along with:
“I hate my body. I can’t stand to have it seen naked with the lights on. How am I ever meant to have sex?”
To answer this most vulnerable of questions, Rog from Curious Creatures is joined by:
Cath Carter: Renowned sex therapist, counselor, and couples and singles coach. Cath has been in the field of sexuality for thirty years, is a walking embodiment of compassion and sex-positivity, and can be found atwww.personalharmony.com.au.
Maureen Matthews: Author of ‘About Last Night’ in the Sunday Age newspaper, and operator of Bliss for Women. Maureen has been advising and coaching people on sexuality and relationship issues for over thirty years, and making a lot of lives better! http://www.bliss4women.com.au/
The team deserves a gold star for just defining this complex issue!
What follows is loads of great advice about the subtleties of the interplay between a dominant and their submissive – or is a submissive, and their dominant?
This conversation scrolls through everything from bratty behavior to the possibility that submission is not appropriate because trust is not in place. Needless to say, communication and consent are mentioned many times!
For this nuanced little question, Rog from Curious Creatures is joined by:
Aerie, from Blue Velvet Arts, who runs accessible and fun workshops on kink and communication in Melbourne, Australia.
Beejay, from Eagle Leather (in Abbotsford, Melbourne) – for all your fetish wear and equipment needs, and some great education / outreach also.
But yes, if you need it to be about more than simple hedonism, then we’ve got your back. It’s about self-development, it’s about relationship skills… It turns out, it’s even about politics and war and peace.
To explain how, Rog, from Curious Creatures, is joined by:
Rog: “It was such a delight to tackle this very difficult question with Lorraine and Charlotte. Their perspective and insight and willingness to feel the humanity of the issues was relieving… special. The world is a better place for their understanding and willingness to engage”.
Rog, from Curious Creatures, is joined by:
Lorraine Pentelow – a very compassionate and trained Sexological Bodyworker (a modality that brings sexual theory and touch together as a therapy). Lorraine is a gifted therapist, and can be found at www.lorrainep.com.au.
Charlotte Sway – live sensory artist and fetish escort. Charlotte is a leader in bringing creativity and quirkiness into her considerable skills in kink / bdsm. She is also a trained Sexological Bodyworker, and can be found at www.charlottesway.net.
In a conversation that ranges through loneliness, privilege, group conflict, and having your sex acts taken out of context, this is one rollicking topic!
Rog from Curious Creatures is joined by:
Barbara Carrellas – World renowned author, workshop therapist, coach, adviser and speaker. Barbara has written many books, including the revolutionary ‘Urban Tantra’ and ‘Ecstasy is Necessary’. Find her at www.barbaracarrellas.com.