Today, we’re listening back to an episode from 2017, where a listener asks for advice on how to become a dom. For those of you not in the kink scene, the word ‘dom’ is short for dominant, which is actually surprisingly hard to define, but you might say: The dominant is the person that’s steering, or perhaps controlling, the play. But that’s actually not entirely accurate, because what happens between two people should be defined by the two of them; it’s not like the dom can just do what they want.
Anyway, let’s handball over to my guests to get into the detail. My first guest is BJ, from Eagle Leather, which is a great fetish-oriented retail outlet in Melbourne. I’ve gotten a lot of great gear from them over the years, and I warmly recommend them.
My second guest is Aerie, from Blue Velvet Arts, who teach ropes and related skills, also in Melbourne. Links to both are in the show notes.
Social connection during isolation, The Weekly Service
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We start by talking a little about a potential solution to the problem of social isolation.
Then, we move into a talk that Rog gave at The Weekly Service, on how Curious Creatures came into being, the Consent Cards, Ethics and advertising, sex and capitalism, deep-dive into consent in practice, faking orgasms, higher and lower libido).
Let's have fun defining your gender. Plus, an inner-work exercise
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Today’s topic, is about gender, and your gender identity. Welcome to one of the most confusing, and consistently misunderstood topics… in the world.
We’re going to walk through a structure – a way of thinking about gender identity – that will likely help with your understanding of yourself, and also those around you.
Today, we’re listening again to an episode from early 2017, responding to the question of “What’s your number one sex move?”.
To tackle this, I’m chatting with Maureen Matthews, and Cath Carter. Maureen writes a column in the Sunday Age, called ‘About Last Night’. And Cath, up until her death earlier this year, was a counselor and central figure in Australia’s sex-positive community. I miss her, and her contributions to the world.
Anyway… Join us for a chat about our number one sex moves.
Modern relationship dynamics, sex education, affairs, and football comparisons
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Today, we’re chatting with Myola Woods, who’s a sexuality specialist from Sydney, Australia. She’ll be in Melbourne from Feb 26-29, presenting five workshops, all of which you can find at curiouscreatures.biz.
Georgie Wolf: Which gender(s) have it easier in the dating game?
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Today, I’m going to share with you an episode of Georgie Wolf’s podcast, where she interviews me on the slightly vexed question of who’s got it easier in the pickup game; men, or women. It’s a wide-ranging, interesting, and juicy conversation.
Georgie’s podcast is called The Art of the Hookup, which relates to a book she’s written of the same name. It’s an awesome book on, as the title would suggest, hooking up, but it goes further into just being a great sex-positive primer, and includes a bunch of stuff on how to be a good person, essentially.
Jessica Drake: Solving the world’s problems, one porno at a time
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Today, we’re chatting with Jessica Drake.
Jessica’s big in the world of porn and sex-work, which, along with her own life story, has given her some fascinating perspectives on sex and sex education.
We get into all sorts of details about the difference between entertainment porn and education porn, and how a lack of proper sex education leads people to porn, which we then blame for not being educational.
Jessica’s authority to speak to the topic comes from about 20 years in the game, at every level – from rank amateur, then as a seasoned performer, and then as a producer. Recently she’s been doing some great work around producing educational material and other forms of outreach, and she’s also one of the people that spoke out about the way she was treated by Donald Trump.
We caught up when she was in Melbourne recently for Sexpo; join us for a conversation about sex.
What’s it like to host Australia’s daggiest sex-party?
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You might recall, back at the end of 2018, we did an episode called ‘secrets from inside a sex-party community’. It was all about what it’s like to attend an event I run called Curiosity, which is hard to describe… But essentially, I guess it fits in the category of ‘sex party’. That episode was told from the perspective of the participants, and I thought it might be fun to have a chat with the hosts, too. So that’s what we’re doing today.
This interview features Linda Kirkman, who you’ve heard on the show before. Linda is a counsellor for singles and couples, with a specialty in diversity and sexuality – which you’ll have worked out for yourself, by the end of this episode. You can find Linda at http://lindakirkman.org/ .
Linda’s based in Bendigo, Australia, but offers video sessions to anyone. She’s across all the quote-unquote ‘lifestyle choices’ that tend to make people reluctant to seek psychological or emotional assistance.
And the second host is Tess, who is also an Occupational Therapist. They run Connectable Therapies, which helps people with sexual development and rehabilitation. Check them out at https://www.connectabletherapies.com/ .
Tips for all of us on rebuilding trust and intimacy
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This episode is all about how to recover and restore trust, when there’s been some form of relationship abuse in the past. When we first aired this conversation, in 2017, a number of people asked for specific and practical things that they could do with a partner or client who’s in the process of recovering.
So, after the conversation, I’ll share with you six very specific things you can do.
Rog, from Curious Creatureshttps://www.curiouscreatures.biz/, presents a spoken-word piece about the ongoing effects and impacts of things that happened a long time ago. As well as some more current-day dilemmas.
Are you addicted to sex? What about footy? (replay)
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This is one of the great myths about sex – that our sexuality is essentially a wild, out of control beast waiting to consume us whole, the moment we let it off its leash. We have been taught, from so many places, to keep it locked down and not explore our interests.
Which begs a follow-up question: Why is our interest in sex so very different to our interest in – for example – football? Or anything else?
To answer this question, interviews with two people – one of them interested in sex, the other in football – are compared and contrasted in a way that illuminates just what a sex-negative (and, perhaps, a football-positive) world we live in. Prepare to be entertained, as Curious Creatures takes a few steps away from the usual ‘Curious Conversations About Sex’ format.
This episode is brought to you by Rog, from Curious Creatures (www.curiouscreatures.biz), and friends.
If you are seeking support in relation to your own potential sex addiction, in Australia you might want to start with Lifeline (13 11 14), or the counselors on the Curious Creatures ‘other recommended resources’ page.
Hope In An Often Hopeless Realm: Restorative Justice (part two of two)
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Today, we’re looking into Restorative Justice again; this is the second in a two-part series, and I hate to do this to you, but I need you to go back and listen to the previous episode, if you haven’t already. Seriously, a bunch of stuff in the following episode won’t make sense, and I’m worried about how some things might sound out of context. It’ll be worth it, because this is a really juicy topic.
– Fiona Landon, from Project Restore, in New Zealand. Project Restore’s vision is for a New Zealand that is free from violence, and they do this through providing world-class Restorative Justice services, tailored to the needs of sexual assault. They can be found at https://projectrestore.nz/.
– David Karp is a professor with Skidmore University, USA, en route to the University of San Diego. He’s been a researcher, coordinator, and practitioner of Restorative Justice services in the university campus context for 15 years. He can be found at https://www.campusprism.org.
Hope In An Often Hopeless Realm: Restorative Justice (part one of two)
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Today, we’re talking about one of the only sources of hope, in an area most of us generally feel pretty hopeless about.
When sexual assault occurs, it often changes the lives of the people that are directly involved, and also those around them. It’s like a pivotal event, a moment in time, that patterns everything that comes afterwards, and the thing that’s so hopeless about it is that there seems to be so little in the way of anything resembling a positive outcome, for anyone.
Restorative Justice is a form of mediation where the fundamental idea is that the people that were involved in an incident, actually sit down and try and work out what justice might look like.
– Fiona Landon, from Project Restore, in New Zealand. Project Restore’s vision is for a New Zealand that is free from violence, and they do this through providing world-class Restorative Justice services, tailored to the needs of sexual assault. They can be found at https://projectrestore.nz/.
– David Karp is a professor with Skidmore University, USA, en route to the University of San Diego. He’s been a researcher, coordinator, and practitioner of Restorative Justice services in the university campus context for 15 years. He can be found at https://www.campusprism.org.
How good are you at training a new person in how to kiss you?
More importantly, how do you feel about training this person that’s in front of you, right now, in how to kiss you?
They’re the questions Rog (from Curious Creatures) and Isiah McKimmie front up to for you, in this episode. It’s an intro to kissing like you’ve never heard.
Isiah is a sex-therapist, relationship counsellor, and sexologist, who can be found at www.isiah-mckimmie.com/
Today, we’re having another listen to a conversation with two of the world’s best sex educators and prioneers, about how to introduce more interesting sex into a relationship.
My first guest is Cyndi Darnell, who is an educator and counsellor based in New York. She’s available for sessions via video conferencing.
My second guest is Barbara Carellas, also a sex educator and pioneer, and offering workshops around the world. Among many other achievements, Barbara wrote the book ‘Urban Tantra’, which I warmly recommend; it certainly shaped a lot of my journey.
Is there an art to the act of the hookup? Is it about more than the right outfit, the right opening line, and a bucket of fuck-luck? And what’s all this talk about self-development, and solutions to the world’s problems?
On this episode, Rog (from Curious Creatures) interviews Georgie Wolf, author of a book called ‘The Art of the Hook-up’. It’s a radical read, and it’s got the potential to really positively influence the way the dating game plays out – also sex, and relationships, more generally.
Stay tuned at the end, for responses to listener feedback.
Curiosity - secrets from inside a sex-party community
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I get asked a lot of questions about what it’s like to go to a sex-party, and in particular, the one I run, called Curiosity.
So to answer your questions, I interviewed four regular Curiosity participants about their experiences, and they offer you a very candid and honest perspective into the little world of sex and self-development they find themselves in; this is like no story on what it’s like to be at a sex-party that you’ll have ever have heard.
What do you wish you were told before entering the sex industry?
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Today, Seani Love, award winning sex-worker and sex educator, is back with us. The question we’re tackling gets us into all sorts of interesting spots, such as the process of undoing gender conditioning and socialisation, removing the link between being attractive and being sexy, and a few reflections on the nature of the industry. And life.
You can find Seani at www.seanilove.com. And for those of you near Melbourne, Australia, Seani’s running a 7-day retreat on sex magick at the start of January.
